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From someone else in the medical field - a nightly phone call would be seriously draining, even if it only lasted a few minutes. Like you I grew up with and taught the standard LDS beliefs about temple marriage, celestial kingdom, etc. I've done the pre-med, med school, residency, etc. Find things that will make good memories in years to come. I agree with what you and so many of the other replies have said: Listen with an open heart and curiosity. I am a nurse and have been for 10 years. It is important especially when you have children to make time for your partner regardless of his job. I was in your same position years ago.
You sound like a wonderful person. Make sure everyone involved is a couple, or at least is paired with someone. I let her know it's not healthy to expect someone else to change - we can only control ourselves and not others. A friend of ours who is going to grad school at Duke started complaining to me about how he had to work while Dr. A patient of his went into labor, was having a rough time and he spent the next 32 hours at the hospital. Because she will think that all of a sudden she is going to hell for being human, that's mormon sexual repression. Let them explore and see the many people who love Heavenly Father and serve him with all their heart. Anyway, I'm sad and disappointed and I know that it will be my job to keep the marriage together. He puts no effort forth toward our marriage - he has no time or energy to do so. This is not about either of you individually.