I'm firmly in the RUN camp. So do you just never give anything back to SOs in terms of time or small gestures. I simply do NOT believe he and I will not be together after we die. I found that it worked just as well. Most want nothing to do with the church. Is he aware that if your children are faithful members of the church they might end of marrying in the temple and he would not be allowed to attend the ceremony. There are other ways.
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My advice is, as others have said, have no expectations, expect that you will spend the majority of holidays, birthdays, family gatherings, valentines day, anniversaries alone or with other family or friends. I completely relate to all you've written; many of us have come to see Mormonism for what it is, and the severe damage it does to human brains. But from what you said, this girl doesn't sound like she is going to be content to have a marriage for time only. But it is the path we have to go through to get to that point that really scares me. Doctors are gift of God but when u marry, family too is important. They will teach the boys that masturbation is evil, which will cause most boys to lie about it and feel deep shame and guilt. I learned, growing up, that very principle, that you HAD to marry a member or your marriage was doomed. Because Utah mormons are waayyy different than mormons everywhere else. IF she becomes an Atheist free thinker like you then consider keeping her. I am very understanding about it and I'm fine with retaining some independence, especially at this stage in dating.
Or do you just push through the exhaustion because you care about the person and do things to make them happy even when you don't always feel like it. In the long run, being married to a nonmember has made me a better person. Never ask vague questions and give her definite options instead. The man presides over everything. Can they keep a job and or clean up after themselves. It is easier and more enjoyable for him to zone out in the world of sweat and toil much like his school and training and work than to get to know me. For reference we're both in our mids.
Look, as a shelia, its no different from a bloke. I stopped working after our 2nd child because his hours were so irregular and there was no predictability to his schedule. Heavenly Father will give you guidance if you listen with an open heart and contrite spirit as always. Sometimes I often think he is a wrong choice. If everything she is taught is correct and the Mormon church is "true" she should be able to research any anti-Mormon books or movies and prove their criticisms are lies. His whole family joined after he did. He is an Anesthesiologist.